This Week in Fundamentalism, Volume 4

There’s been a lot of high-profile praying going on this week. In addition to the general-purpose mass groveling inspired by the May 1 National Day of Prayer, there have been a few notable instances of specific requests to the almighty.

One of these was arranged by Birmingham, Alabama mayor Larry Langford, with costumes paid for by Alabaman taxpayers. It seems Larry purchased 2,000 burlap sacks for a special April 25th ritual he’s dubbed a “day of prayer in sackcloth and ashes”.

Says Larry:

“the Constitution of the United States calls for a separation of church and state – it never said anything about a separation of church from state.”

Normally if someone told me there’d been a San Francisco Pray-in, I would simply assume it was a group of homophobes speaking out against satanic gay lifestyles. This week, though, believers lead by one Rocky Twyman took to their knees to combat that other ungodly menace to America’s spiritual well-being: high gas prices. Now, to be fair, oil prices did actually drop a bit today for the first time in 18 days, though oil futures shot up. If the momentary price drop was God’s doing, he waited a week after the first prayer session to do anything, and he seemed only willing or able to affect a small, temporary change.

Speaking of ineffective prayers: the parents whose daughter died in April because God didn’t want them to seek medical treatment for her diabetes are being charged with second degree reckless homicide. Let’s hope they’re given a fair trial, and by “fair” I mean untainted with drivel about their religious rights. Separation of church and state does not carry with it the freedom to kill – even through well-intentioned wanton neglect – just because God’s name is attached to the process.

Where American Christian fundamentalists have a tendency to kill mainly through ignorance, their middle-eastern Islamic counterparts tend to take a more active role in slaughtering their families. The honor killing of the week was carried out by Abdel-Qader Ali of Basra, Iraq, who took it upon himself to murder his 17 year old daughter over an alleged affair with a British soldier she hadn’t seen in months. Ali of course carried out the act in front of his wife and other children, teaching them a valuable life lesson as he strangled and stabbed the teenager. His wife has divorced him and has sincereceived death threats of her own.

It just wouldn’t be a This Week In Fundies without a little sex talk, and at least two recent news stories involve preists’ favorite kind of sex: child molestation!

Rev. James L. Bevel, former confidante to Martin Luther King, was convicted of incest this week; apparently he decided that the age of six was the right time to start teaching his daughter “the science of marriage”. He faces up to 20 years in prison, during which time he will presumably embark upon a study of the “the science of pleasing his cellmate Bubba”.

Getting off easier (No pun intended! Honest!) was Rabbi Yehuda Kolko or Brooklyn, whose plea bargain in the face of multiple sexual charges involving minors scored him a three-year probation on misdemeanor charges but dismissed all felony charges. I suppose that means he won’t have to wear an orange jumpsuit to attend trials for the multiple civil suits he faces for the same alleged crimes.

That’s all for this installment. Until next week, I’ll keep praying that people will come to their senses.

Er, that is, praying in a metaphorical sense, because… well, you know.