(Or maybe The Incredible Shrinking Genitalia?)
Sometimes a story I would save for my weekly roundup of crazy things done by crazy folks who are crazy about their irrational beliefs merits a separate blog entry all its own… and this is one of those times. This one doesn’t stand out because it’s tragic (though it is, as most such stories are), or because it relates to believers in sorcerous magic and no connection to one of the big religions is mentioned (though it’s certainly possible). No, this one gets a solo entry because it’s inherently funny all by itself and I have to do absolutely no work to inject the warped blend of sarcasm and attempted humor I usually use as a coping mechanism when faced with monumental stupidity.
When any article on Yahoo news starts with this headline, you know it’s going to be something special:
Lynchings in Congo as penis theft panic hits capital
Yes. Penis theft.
KINSHASA (Reuters) – Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.
Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.
Did I mention: Penis theft?
Not just any penis theft… magical penis theft.
Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.
But wait! This alleged sorcery has eyewitness confirmation, so it must be true!
“It’s real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny,” said 29-year-old Alain Kalala, who sells phone credits near a Kinshasa police station
Perhaps protective athletic cups should be issued to the male employees of our embassy in Congo. Consecrated athletic cups, dipped in holy water.