Author: Don

This time PZ Myers has gone too far!

Yeah, it’s been a few months since the last time I put up a blog post promising it wouldn’t be a few months before my next one, but today while reading a blog I normally enjoy, I read something so horrendous that I was inspired to finally try to remember my password to log on to this here site and post something to express my outrage.

PZ Myers, biologist and outspoken opponent of things superstitious, today for the first time since I’ve been reading his blog made a statement that deeply offended me. I am thoroughly outraged.

He writes:

Not only are the paladins of evolution handsomer, wittier, more charming, and with a deeper grasp of the truth than the orc-like hordes of creationism, but even our ancillary skills are wielded with more effortless panache than our opponents’ primary talents.

Yes, he actually wrote that, and apparently stands by it since it’s still right there for anyone to read. I thought long and hard about just how to reply to this… this disgusting piece, and finally realized that I’m just not qualified to address it in the way it truly deserves.

But I know someone who is.

I mailed a link to Prof. Myers’ screed to an acquaintance. As this screen grab from our webcam chat shows, he was quite visibly disturbed upon reading it.

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After he composed himself, I offered to let him use my highly trafficked (my wife looked at it at least twice in 2008… once without me leaving it up on her screen!) blog to issue a reply. So without further ado, please welcome my first ever guest blogger, Kerschplat the Uruk Blackarrow.

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Thank to Don for letting use of blog space. Apologize for bad human words – Kerschplat usually eat people, not talk them.

Kerschplat angry today when read hairy science man compare orcs to creationists. Angry long time, then hurt – even cry little – then angry again. Angry feel more natural.

Orcs not have problem with Theory of Evolution. Easy to believe complex organism crawl out of slime – Kerschplat himself crawl out of slime every morning, then go looking for complex organism to squash and eat. Kerschplat live simple and honest life – he disagree someone, he not make up fact or ignore evidence to support argument – he shoot opponent in back, fair and square.

Kerschplat still too angry for eloquent waxiness in reply, so simply say this: Me demand PZ Myers to issue public apologizing to orc kind – included goblins – for slanderous remark. If no say sorry, Kerschplat not afraid to call on evil forces from darkest depths of underworld: lawyers. If PZ not sorrying, Kerschplat take legal action. Maybe get free camera.

Since have attention, Kerschplat do little self-promotion. Am something of artist – squeeze fluids from fallen foes for paint colors – and make picture of early aquatic life frolick near shoreline before emerge onto land. Attach below – please to give feedback in comments. Kerschplat open to critcism so for people who say bad things, Kerschplat do honorable thing and not use slow, painful kill method.

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Thank muchness,
Kerschplat

There you have it, an emotional reply from someone to whom this grievous insult was directly… uh… directed. Stick that wafer into your fiery pit of despair and smoke it, Myers!

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(Yes, I truly am a master of Photoshop!)

Should’ve tried water-to-wine instead

Those African Christians sure do seem to be a devout bunch, making a name for themselves through amusing escapades such as getting lost at sea on a balloon chair for God or the persecution of accused child witches.

Not to be outdone by Balloon Boy, one Franck Kabele, apparent recipient of a vision from God informing him it was time to go out and perform a miracle, led his congregation to a beach and told them he was going to walk on water.

Astute readers will probably already see where this is going.

So Mr. Kabele strolled out into an estuary, brimming with his love and faith in Christ… and drowned.

(This piece of news dates back to 2006, but for some reason has been making the rounds in the last week or so. Maybe his followers have finally tired of waiting for him to come back from the dead?)

Want something a little more recent? Check out http://www.paliban.org, a new site spoofing those whose belief system might be frighteningly similar to that of our former potential vice-president.

Still alive, and employed again

My domain disappeared for a while because it expired without warning and the e-mail account the registrar was sending password reminder e-mails to has been defunct for a while. Anyway, everything seems to have been straightened out now, and in the meantime I’ve finally found a new job after the one I’ve had for 11+ years disappeared in August. It’s a pay cut and a more annoying commute, but I really like the new place and it’s a good career move overall; assuming the overall economy can survive the next few months, in the long run it’ll probably all work out for the better.

… And so it begins (Er… continues)

It seems that just last night I was speculating on what the Bush folks would be up to in the waning days of their disastrous administration.

Someone at the New York Times had a similar thought, apparently, because the paper’s Opinion section ran an article on Monday titled “So Little Time, So Much Damage“. It seems there are still plenty of civil rights to be taken away, environmental regulations to repeal, and reproductive rights to challenge before the game is over.

There’s even time to squeeze a few more unqualified candidates into politically appointed positions! Pretend for a moment that you’re Michael Alix, a high-level executive in charge of risk management at Bear-Stearns. Your company has been run into the ground, presumably by taking risks it shouldn’t have – which means you haven’t done your job very well. It’s a good thing you’ve got a sweetheart golden-parachute deal worked out, because with “helped bankrupt a large financial house” on your resume, your short-term job prospects aren’t too rosy.

Not in BushWorld! No, here in the land of manufactured reality, you’ve earned yourself an important position at the Federal Reserve! In related news, Michael Jackson has been hired to conduct children’s tours through the White House, and Army intelligence operatives have mounted Sarah Palin on a tall pole on the Alaskan coast to serve as an early warning system should the floating head of Vladimir Putin darken the western sky.

The end of an era

No, I’m not talking about the fall of right-wing dominance in our government. Nor am I talking about the election of a president who is anything other than a wealthy white male.

I’m talking about something much more deep and profound: Opus.

Yes, Opus the penguin, star of Bloom County, Outland, and eventually a comic strip of his very own. He retired this week; his creator, Berkely Breathed, decided that the world is going downhill fast, and he wanted to save Opus from being corrupted by what is to come. In a letter to the LA Times, he says:

I’m destroying the village to save it. Opus would inevitably become a ranting mouthpiece in the coming wicked days, and I respect the other parts of him too much to see that happen. The Michael Moore part of me would kill the part of him that was important to his fans.

and:

With the crisis in Wall Street and Washington, I’m suspending my comic strip to assist the nation. The best way I can help is to leave politics permanently and write funny stories for America’s kids. I call on John McCain to join me.

I’ve been a Bloom County (etc) fan since I first saw the strip in the 80s; in my mind it along with Calvin & Hobbes and possibly The Far Side – all tragically lost to us now – are the comic strips to which I’ll always compare all others, and probably to the newcomers’ detriment. Opus and his cohorts are childhood friends I’ll likely never see again except in old pictures, but in the years to come, whatever they hold, I’m sure I’ll think of them often.

Opus’ final comic strip is here.

A letter from Breathed on his web site has this to say:

Opus is napping. He sleeps in peace, dreaming of a world just ahead brimming with kindness and grace and ubiquitous bow ties.

Sleep well, Opus, and may your dreams come true for all of us. Except for the bow ties.

The landslide will bring them down

As of this writing, Obama’s carrying 333 electoral votes to McCain’s 156; even Fox news has declared him the next president. The totals aren’t all in yet, of course, and those numbers are based in part on exit polls, but even should the GOP decide to challenge many of the results, Obama has won an electoral landslide that’s likely going to hold in spite of whatever efforts the right may make to try to invalidate it.

Democrats will now have solid majorities in both houses of congress; under other circumstances, I would call this a bad thing – too much power in the hands of one faction can become a dangerous thing. In this case, though, I’ll have to make an exception, because taking the power out of the hands of the crazy people has to override those more generic fears.

My new worry is that the Bush admin will use the fact that nobody cares about them anymore to launch a scorched earth policy to make the incumbent’s job as difficult as possible. At any other time in my life, had someone suggested this as a legitimate worry, I’d have laughed; but I with BushCo in its last throes, I can’t help but think it could happen.

Yes, it’s a historic victory in a historic election, for numerous reasons that will have been covered in a thousand other places. So I’ll just close by offering congratulations to Obama and Biden, and good luck to them in facing the massive challenged that await them after January 20th.

(Oh, and Nevada was just called for Obama, making the count 338-156.)