Spreading Those “Family Values” Faster Than Ever

After two elections defined by the “values voter” crowd and framed in fundamentalism that tells us our sexuality is to be denied and hidden, the morality crusaders of this nation have begun to see the fruits of their labor. In a nation where “abstinence only” sex education is the rule if your school wants federal funds, and pharmacists who refuse to sell birth control due to religious convictions, there’s good news: the spread of sexually transmitted diseases is at an all time high!

In addition to upswings in chlamydia and syphilis, a gonorrhea superbug (which sounds like a 70’s rock band) with a high resistance to antibiotics is spreading quickly not just in the liberal heathen oasis of California, but in the midwest and south as well, where one would presume the dominance of red-state values and healing prayers would alleviate the problem.

Ah, well… another victory for the forces of ignorance.

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