Earlier this month, the zipper of secrecy slid open and The Dick sprang forth from his undisclosed location. Not content with his continued molestation of our democracy, The Dick launched a world tour to remind his previous conquests in government and media that they were still required to bend over at the time and place of his choosing.
It was during this latest junket that Generalissimo Cheney made a statement that Nancy Pelosi, the Democrats, and, by extension, sane people the world over, were “validating Al-Qaeda” through opposition to the Iraq war.
Yes, we had to overthrow that evil (formerly US supported, WMD-less, Al-Qaeda-opposing) dictator Saddam, who tortured and killed his own people (and not in the civilized American way we’re torturing and killing them now). We had to do this because on 9/11, zero Iraqis hijacked no planes and flew them into no buildings, and if we lacked the courage to invade them and dole out big oil contracts to US companies, they might not do it again… or worse.
Yes, Dick Cheney and his fellow Neandro-cons’ plans to invalidate Al-Qaeda have successfully increased anti-American sentiment the world over, provided a terrorist training ground (conveniently located!), drawn our attention away from the Taliban resurgence in Afghanistan, left our military overtaxed and under-equipped, and further de-stabilized an already dangerous region. Take that, Osama! Of course, our efforts have cost us thousands of troop casualties, killed tens of thousands of civilians, and put us billions of dollars further into debt. The latter isn’t so bad, though – it further invalidates Al Qaeda because a good chunk of that money is owed to interests in Saudi Arabia (birthplace of such historic figures as Osama bin Laden and most of the guys who actually did cause a little mischief on 9/11).
Now Iran’s (Sunni Al-Qaeda-hating, shiite-dominated) government is threatening to validate the terrorists by potentially someday theoretically maybe building nuclear weapons. So, if a new report by Seymour Hersh is accurate, the Bush administration has adopted the “an enemy of my enemy is my friend” policy which has served America so well in the past (see: Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden).
That’s right: To stir up trouble in Iran and thus protect America from Al-Qaeda-connected terrorist groups, they’re funneling money to Al-Qaeda-connected terrorist groups! Brilliant!
Sarcasm aside, Mr. Cheney, I prefer to assume that your recent appearances are just part of an ongoing effort to cover the utter failure of your ideology and of policies which always had nothing to do with fighting terrorism and everything to do with enriching and empowering yourself and your closest business and political allies. I hope this is just another symptom of your willingness to say and do anything necessary in support of your own flawed agenda.
I hope these things because the alternative is that you went on national television to accuse Nancy Pelosi of validating Al Qaeda while your hands still bore ink-stains from stamping Osama bin Laden’s paycheck and that you truly, deeply believed this accusation to be true and yourself and your followers to be the good guys. If this is the case, Dick, then you have left selfish, twisted ideologue behind and moved into the realm of – to borrow a technical term from clinical psychology – the batshit insane.